Yesterday my fiancé and I celebrated our seventh year of dating, only being 28 I feel rather blessed at this small feat. It was a beautiful evening! We spent it reminiscing about how glorious and magical these years have been! The fact that when we met it was the perfect movie moment and we were just, like, totally meant to be. We gushed all over social media on how flawless our relationship has been and the fact that we have created only loving, cherishing memories. All while of course, Ed Sheran was playing during our candle lit dinner. It was perfect.
I am a hopeless romantic and this, sadly, is often to my detriment. I do believe my aforementioned anecdote is possible, however the likelihood in my opinion is rather dim and generally during the wooing phase of a relationship. You see, it is impossible to have a perfect relationship for seven years and if you disagree with me, I am afraid to say either yourself or your partner are harboring some very unfilled (quite possible unbeknownst to you) emotional, physical or spiritual needs.
We say the advice over and over again: Relationships. Are. Hard. Work. Fullstop.
Then why is it still so easy to fall into the elusive trap of wanting more love, more affection, more roses and more ways to show off your relationship is better than Harry and Sally’s. Over our seven years we have screamed, shouted, hurt, accused, cried, left in the middle of the night, blamed, gone back to parent’s houses and even thrown a cellphone at the wall (most expensive fight of my life). Yet none of this was in vain nor has it been regretted. Simple because we have also bonded more than I thought possible, cherished, bestowed love, kept our own identities, stuck through the hard times, comforted each other through inconsolable pain, encouraged each others strengths, aided in building up weaknesses and remained best friends, rather than simple lovers. Believe me our relationships does not resemble attributes of Bipolar, rather we are reaping the rewards of a many challenging obstacles in our journey.
A few simple rules our relationship foundations have thrived on:
- Eliminate the words YOU ALWAYS or YOU NEVER when in an argument.
- Rather try replace them with this prototype example: “I feel you sometimes make me feel…when this situation arises. Or: “I dislike it when …happens.”
- If a voice gets raised, the outcome of the argument is likely not to be healthy or positive. Rather take a breathy, do separate activities and regroup when both parties are comfortable to revisit the topic.
- As long as your relationship is happy and content in the long term, you are already in the majority.
Please do not misconstrue my opinions, romance is still important but relationships should not be based on it. It comes down to whether your relationship is worth working on during the dark times and whether you are comfortable with the realization, practical relationship advice outweighs the ‘sweetheart high school love’ in functioning relationships. Personally, this was a toughie for me.
But then again this could still be considered puppy love; lets see what happens down the line…